What Title
by Lone Wolfette
Summary: Lauren & Kristin get the boys' car from Fonzie.


**What Title? **

**ONE**   
Lauren & Kristin's apartment, afternoon 

Krstin is in the kitchen, getting a glass of ice tea and Lauren is about to leave. 

Kristin- Where're you goin'? 

Lauren- I'm gonna meet an old friend at Arnold's. 

Kristin- 'Old friend'? Sounds kinda suspicious to me. 

Lauren- Then, why don'tcha come with me? 

Kristin- Okay. (she puts the still empty glass on the counter and leaves with Lauren) 

  
**TWO**   
Arnold's, a little later 

Ralph & Potsie are sitting at the usual booth. 

Ralph- Pots, why do I have to meet your old friend? I've got better things to do. 

Potsie- Like what? 

Ralph- Like meeting girls and pulling pranks. 

Lauren and Kristin come in and go over to the guys' table. 

Lauren- Potsie? 

Potsie- Huh?... Lauren? 

Lauren- Ya know, I shoulda realized there was another reason why my parents actually let me stay out here. 

Potsie- Have a seat. (he slides over and Lauren sits down) Boy, it's nice to see a relative of mine who'll talk to me. 

Lauren- Your dad still doesn't talk to ya? 

Potsie- No. Well, sometimes. Like when he's mad at me. 

Kristin- Am I here? 

Lauren (slaps her forehead)- Sorry! potsie, this is Kristin. Kristin, Potsie. 

Kristin- Hi. 

Potsie- Hi. (Ralph pops his bubblegum) This is Ralph. Ralph, this is Lauren. 

Ralph- I figured that out. 

Potsie- How long have you been in Milwaukee? 

Lauren- Nearly three months. I completely forgot you lived here... 

Kristin- Yeah, she's been a little preoccupied... 

Under the table, Lauren stomps Kistin's foot. 

Kristin (wincing)- Ow... 

Lauren- Sorry... we're living on Knapp Street. We've got our own apartment. 

Fonzie comes in and goes over to the booth. 

Fonzie- New blood... Why was I not told? 

Potsie- This is a relative of mine Lauren. Lauren, meet the Fonz. 

Lauren- Now, I understand why Lenny and Squiggy are intimidated by you. 

Fonzie- Did you say 'Lenny and Squiggy'? 

Lauren- Yeah, my friend, Kristin, and I live in the same apartment building as them and Laverne and Shirley. 

Ralph (to Fonzie)- Weren't those the two girls that ou and Richie went out with? 

Fonzie- The same... those two guys, though... 

Potsie- How did you end up in that building? 

Lauren- Squiggy's my step-brother. 

Fonzie (putting his hand over his heart)- A sweet girl like you related to him? You're kidding the Fonz. 

Lauren- I'm serious. (she looks at her watch) We gotta get goin', we got a double date tonight. 

The girls get up. 

Lauren- See ya around, Potsie. 

They leave. 

Ralph- What's the problem, Fonz? 

Fonzie- I need to go talk to Laverne and Shirley. (he leaves) 

Potsie- I wonder what that was about? 

Ralph- I wish I knew. 

  
**THREE**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, evening 

The girls have been tellin Fonzie the whole story. {And I mean the whole story!} 

Fonzie- I just can't believe that Lauren is related to both Potsie and Squiggy! 

Shirley- That does make for an kinda strange family. 

Laverne- Kinda?! Lauren's the only normal one of the three... and she's dating Lenny! She's not all that normal, now, either. 

Fonzie- The Fonz needs to have a little convo with those two guys. 

Laverne- Don't pound 'em, Fonz... well, maybe you can pound Squiggy... Len's still on crutches anyway. 

Fonzie leaves. 

Shirley- Why did you tell him that? 

Laverne- Well... 

Lauren comes in. 

Lauren- I just saw Fonzie leave... Why'd he wanna talk to you? 

Laverne- I think he wanted to pound them... but I don't think he will. He'd get his hands too messy. 9she goes into the kitchen) 

Lauren- Gee, what a consolation... Did he tell you that I'm related to Potsie? 

Shirley- Yeah, which means that he and Squiggy are related. I bet they'd love to hear that... 

The door flies open. 

Squiggy (coming in)- What's this I hear about you bein' related to Potsie? 

Lauren- He's something like a second cousin by marriage or som'en. I dunno. Hey, I thought Fonzie was lookin' for you? 

Squiggy- He found me... and I begged him not to beat me up. 

Lenny comes in. 

Lenny- You know how hard it is to do four flights of stairs on crutches?... (comes up nezt to Squiggy) Boy, did you run when Fonzie said he wanted to have a "convo"! 

Squiggy- So I ran down a few steps... 

Lenny- You jumped the first set! 

Kristin comes in. 

Kristin- Why wasn't I notified of the group meeting? (she comes up on the other side of Squiggy and puts an arm around him) 

Fonzie comes in. 

Fonzie- Whoa! 

The whole group turns to look at Fonzie. 

Fonzie (pointing at Squiggy)- You. 

Squiggy- Me? (gulps) 

Fonzie- You wrecked that car a week and a half ago in Green Bay? 

Squiggy- Yeah. 

Fonzie- After I let the brewery have it to raffle off. 

Squiggy- We won the truck drivers' pool. 

Fonzie- The Fonz does not care how you got it... They brought it to my garage and you are gonna help me fix it. 

Squiggy- Do I hafta? 

Fonzie- No... if you prefer a broken nose. 

Squiggy- I'll help with the car. 

Fonzie (leaving)- Now. 

Squiggy leaves. 

Kristin- There goes my half of the date. (she leaves) 

Shirley- What an odd day. 

Laverne- Odd doesn't cover it, Shirl! 

Lauren- I had a feeling that car was gonna come back to haunt us... 

Lenny- Haunt Squig. 

Lauren- Yeah... well, so much for the double date. (she starts to leave) 

Lenny (whining)- You mean I gotta go back up all four flights? It's torture for the injured! 

Lauren- Oh, quit complainin'! Besides, we can use our apartment... 

Shirley- Leave first, then talk about it. 

Laverne- Shirl! No stay here and talk about it... (they leave) Please!? 

  
**FOUR**   
Lauren & Kristin's apartment, near midnight 

Lauren walks blindly in the dark into the living room. 

Lauren (seeing Kristin by the window)- Kristin? What're you doin' still awake? 

Kistin (staring out the window)- I'm watchin' or Squig. (turning to Lauren) You don't think Fonz beat him up, do you? 

Lauren- Naw, I think he just threatens. (she goes ito the kitchen) Besides, he's probably gonna keep Squig there until the car s fixed. 

Kristin (turning back to the window)- You think he'll get the car back? 

Lauren (coming out of the kitchen, holding a glass of water)- No... 

Kristin (pointing out the window)- There he is! (she runs over to the door, unlocks and opens it, and runs out and down the stairs) 

Lauren goes over and stands in the doorway, looking down the hall. 

The boys' door opens. 

Lenny (yawning)- Don't you sleep? 

Lauren- I do... Kristin doesn't. She was waiting up for Squiggy. 

Lenny sarts giggling. 

Lauren giving him an odd look)- What're you laughin' about? 

Lenny- I didn't know ya had an L on your nightshirt. 

Lauren (fingering the glass of water, she walks across the hall)- Len? 

Lenny- Yeah? 

Lauren (splashing the water in his face)- I think ya need a little cooling off! (she goes back across the hall) 

Lenny (wiping off some of the water)- Thank you. 

  
**FIVE**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, morning 

Shirley is standing by the open window. 

Shirley (taking in a breath of fresh air)- Whatta beautiful day! (she turns to face the bedroom) Haul it out, Laverne! 

Laverne (coming out of the bedroom)- I'm comin'. I wonder if Fonzie finished fixin' the car. 

The door flies open. {It's not Squiggy!} 

Lauren (running in, dangling keys in front of her)- Lookit what I got! 

Laverne- You finally got your own house key! (she laughs) 

Lauren- No, Fonzie gave me and Kristin the car! 

Shirley- He did?! Wow! 

Laverne- That's pretty generous. 

Lauren- As it turned out, Fonz didn't reall wanna just take it away from the boys, so he let us have it. 

Laverne- Under what condition? 

Lauren- That we don't let Squiggy drive it. 

Shirley- A good truck driver, Squiggy is... but he shouldn't go within ten feet of any other vehicle... 

Laverne- Especially a tricycle! 

Shilrey- Laverne... 

Laveren- We gotta get goin'. Would ya lock the door for us, Lauren? 

Lauren- Sure, no problem. 

Laverne gives her the key and she and Shirley leave. 

Lauren (to herself)- Why did I agree? There's nothin' to do down here. (she leaves) 

  
**SIX**   
fourth floor 

Squiggy's sitting at the top of the stairs. 

Lauren- Hi, Squig. 

Squiggy- Hello. 

Lauren (sitting next to him)- Your heart wasn't in that one! 

Squiggy- So? We didn't get the car back. 

Lauren- Fonzie didn't tell you? 

Squiggy- Tell me what? 

Lauren- He gave it to Kristin and me. 

Squiggy (happily)- He did!? 

Lauren- Under one condition... 

Squiggy- I can't go near it? 

Lauren- No... you just can't drive it. 

Squiggy- That's better than nutin'! 

Lauren- That's the spirit... Oh, is Len in there? 

Squiggy- Yeah, why? 

Lauren- I just wanted to apologize for som'en I did. (she starts to get up) 

Squiggy (grabbing her arm)- What? 

Lauren- It's silly... I just sorta splashed some water in his face. 

Squiggy starts laughing. 

Lauren- It was pretty funny! 

Kristin comes out of the girls' apartment. 

Kristin- What's so funny? 

Lauren- It's nothin'. (she gets up) You sit right here. I'll be back in a few minutes. 

Kristin sits next to Squiggy, who immediately stops laughing. They start making out. 

Lauren goes in the boys' apartment. 

Lenny's playing Solitaire against himself... and he's losing bad. {Don't ask} 

Lenny- Come to try and drown me? 

Lauren- No. As a matter of fact, I came to apologize about that. (she looks at the cards) You know, when you're stuck for more than three rounds you're allowed to take one of the remaining piles. 

Lenny- Really? 

Lauren- No, not really. It's just, you're losing real bad! 

Lenny- Like you winnin' at the air hockey game? 

Lauren- Yeah, pretty much. 

Lenny- How about a card game? 

Lauren (pulling a chair up to the table)- Sure. name it. 

Lenny- Slap Jack. 

Lauren- Okay. 

  
**SEVEN**   
outside, late afternoon 

The girls' pull up behind Lauren and Kristin's car. They get out and go up to it. {You know what happens next!} The girls pull the boys out and Lauren and Kristin sit up. 

  
THE END :)~


End file.
